OutlyerNet

Notice of Revocation of Independence

(...)

(penned somewhere in the U.K.)

Notice of Revocation of Independence

To the Citizens of the United States of America:

In the light of your recent failure to elect a reasonable president and
thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of
your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties
over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah,
which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (Tony Blair for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a worl
outside your borders) will appoint a Minister for America without the
need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any
of you noticed.

To aid to the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
rules are introduced with immediate effect:

* You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be
amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you
should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up
"vocabulary".

In addition, using the same 27 words interspersed with filler noises
such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and ineffective form
of communication. Look up "interspersed".

* There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on
your behalf.

* You should learn to distinguish between English and Australian
accents. It really isn't that hard.

* Hollywood will be required to occasionally cast English actors as
the good guys.

* You will no longer be allowed to play American football. There is
only one kind of football. What you refer to as "football" is not a
very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world
outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American
football. Instead you should play proper football. Initially, it would
be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of
you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is
similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest
every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour like nancies).

* You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there
is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
Russians have never been the bad guys. (Merde is French for "sh*t".)

* All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German Cars, you will understand what we
mean.

* Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your co-operation.

* You will no longer be allowed to play American football. There is
only one kind of football. What you refer to as "football" is not a
very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world
outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American
football. Instead you should play proper football. Initially, it would
be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of
you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is
similar to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest
every 20 seconds or wearing full body armour like nancies).

* You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that
there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.
The Russians have never been the bad guys. (Merde is French for
"sh*t".)

* All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your
own good. When we show you German Cars, you will understand what we
mean.

* Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Thank you for your co-operation.